By: Lilian Wissa, Founder- Decorum for Consultancy and Training 

While Women’s Empowerment Month is an important time to celebrate achievements and discuss challenges facing women, it’s also an opportunity to focus on actionable steps women can take to enhance their professionalism in the workplace.

During Women’s Empowerment Month, we are bombarded with events, talks, conferences, blogs, articles, etc., about workplace gender discrimination, bias, stereotypes, women’s rights, gender parity, and systemic biases and discrimination in the workplace. Certainly, these issues exist and must be addressed at broader levels, but we can’t change them overnight. However, as women, we can at least make sure we’re not contributing to plateauing our own careers. While both men and women encounter challenges in the workplace, it’s crucial to recognize and address the distinctive set of behaviors that might impede women’s career growth.

From early childhood, girls are often socialized to adhere to certain gender norms and expectations in order to be accepted in society. These expectations can vary across cultures but often include traditional gender roles and stereotypes about femininity, behavior, and appearance.

A “Good Girl” is polite. A “Good Girl” is soft-spoken. A “Good Girl” is pretty, quiet, compliant, takes care of others, and doesn’t cause trouble.

As these messages are enforced through women’s lives by family, media, and social messages, they might deliver the ‘Good Girl Syndrome”. This phenomenon highlights the impact of societal and cultural expectations on women’s behavior in personal and professional settings. The “Good Girl Syndrome” manifests when women internalize cultural messages about how they “should” behave based on societal norms and expectations, often leading to self-limiting behaviors and missed opportunities for career advancement. Many women wind up acting like little girls in their personal and professional lives. Sometimes very smart, competent, and capable women miss opportunities for career-furthering assignments and sabotage their own careers by acting like a “Good Girl”.

Throughout my career, I have rarely met a woman who is not guilty of doing at least one of these mistakes. There are a few questions women should ask themselves that shed light on common self-limiting behaviors in the workplace, offering insights for personal growth and professional development.

Do you do the work of others?

From a young age, girls may be encouraged to conform to societal norms such as being nurturing, passive, and accommodating. We also have the habit of believing that “If I don’t do it, nobody else will. Collaboration is important, but it should be conducted in a way that respects individual boundaries and optimizes time and resources for maximum impact.

Do you wait to be given what you want?

If you don’t ask, you don’t risk hearing no, but you also won’t get what you want. Remember, people are not mind-readers.

Do you hold your tongue?

Do you tend to avoid saying things that should legitimately be said, only to find a colleague being applauded for saying exactly what you were just thinking?

Do you always poll before making a decision?

Research suggests that women tend to engage in more collaborative decision-making styles compared to men. This means that women may be more likely to seek input from others, consider multiple perspectives, and weigh the opinions of stakeholders before making a decision. This approach can have several benefits, including generating buy-in and support from team members, and leading to more well-rounded decisions. However, it’s important for women to question their intentions behind polling before each and every decision, whether it’s lack of self-worth, confidence, or approval seeking.

Are you a people pleaser?

Is your desire to be liked so strongly ingrained in you that you can’t bear the thought of disappointing someone? Remember that if you’re only concerned with being liked, you will most probably miss the opportunity of being respected.

Do you deny the importance of money?

Many women feel uncomfortable with the subject of money and think they actually deserve less than they’re due. Remember that focusing on money doesn’t mean you’re less committed to your work, it means you’re equally committed to your wellbeing.

Do you feel like a doormat?

Do you give permission to others to disrespect you or walk on you? Do you do whatever is asked of you? Do you feel the urge to cater to everybody else’s needs? Do you allow people to waste your time? Are you unable to practice self-care, set boundaries, and prioritize your own goals and aspirations without feeling guilty or selfish?

Do you strive for perfection?

As women, we sometimes overcompensate our feelings of unworthiness by striving for perfection. People perceiving you as being perfect can be a way of insulating yourself from the criticism of others. You’d probably find that your male colleague knows when good enough is good enough and when it’s time to move on to the next task.

Are you over-apologetic?

Women may apologize excessively, even when not at fault, as a way to avoid conflict or appease others. This bad habit destroys our self-confidence and consequently the confidence others have in us. Instead, we should reserve apologies for genuine mistakes and focus on assertively expressing our opinions and preferences.

Do you sabotage or envy other women in your workplace?

Do you behave like Queen Bees, bullies, or backstabbers towards other female colleagues? Do you fail to assist or mentor other women? Do you belittle their achievements or block their career advancements? Do you find yourself bad-mouthing, gaslighting, or mimicking other women?

The notion of ranking women based on attractiveness, even with the added modern categories of personality and intelligence, creates unnecessary competitiveness among women which they might unconsciously carry to the workplace.

Do you act like a man?

If you have been told to adopt a male communication style to be heard, or to emanate a masculine presence to be noticed, you have been misled. You also don’t need to pound the table or swear like a sailor to prove to yourself or others that you are not under the spell of the ‘Good Girl Syndrome”.

Being different from men isn’t something to be ashamed of. Emphasizing professionalism, competence, and the value women bring to their work is more important than conforming to traditional gender roles or stereotypes.

Goodbye Good Girl!

It’s true that unlearning is more difficult than learning. It’s painful to let go of something we have a strong routine for, and replace it with a new way of thinking. As grown-ups, we women should hold ourselves accountable for our present status and not blame it on our past or the way we have been brought up. Unlearning lifetime ‘good’ behaviors isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. By recognizing and addressing these self-limiting behaviors associated with the Good Girl Syndrome, women can empower themselves to break free from societal expectations and pursue their full potential in both personal and professional realms.